PROUD MARYS - JENNIFER PAZ (CREATOR, BOOK-WRITER, LYRICIST)

Proud Marys is my exploration of growing up as a Filipina-American daughter and how we navigate the diaspora to claim our authentic sense of self. Who's driving our choices? Is it for our family? Is it because we want to protect another person’s well-being? Tradition? What dysfunctional family dynamics are triggered by milestone moments? How much of my Catholic upbringing confused the hell out of me? And what the f*ck is a barrel man? 

Early concept album: Back in 2014, my collaborator-husband and I independently released an album of songs about our journey as first-time parents called "Every Little Thing," under the duo name Auraganix. Looking back now, I realized that this early release served as early story ideas for Proud Marys. We have since re-tooled some of those early song releases into the developing book. 

Backstory: In the summer of 2016, I was expecting my second child. By then, my firstborn was 3 years old, and my husband and I had been trying for another. But could my lady parts even work (again)? You see, my firstborn born whom I had at 40, was a bit of a miracle baby. I had dealt with fertility issues for many years. I struggled with health issues throughout my late 20s and 30s. I was diagnosed with fibroids, I had a laparoscopic myomectomy to remove a fibroid tumor the size of a golf ball, suffered through years of endometriosis, and secretly battled with the autoimmune disease Alopecia for over a decade. I had given up. I was told by doctors that I was now "at risk" if I continued trying. After years of trying and failing again, we started to consider adoption, when suddenly, wouldn’t you know it - I got pregnant again! I was 43 years old. Sadly, I lost the baby. I miscarried the night before my scheduled doctor’s appointment. No heartbeat. And I bled all over her exam table.

At the time, I was just trying to juggle the whole artist, mom-work-life balance and trying desperately to keep it together. But inside, I was dying. I felt so lonely in my grief. I felt really broken. I felt like a failure.

Culturally, as a Fil-Am, and societally as a working woman of color, we don't openly have nuanced conversations about women and our physical and mental health. We just don't talk about it. We're just meant to get on with it. 

I started writing this story as a way to grieve my pregnancy loss, and I wanted to tackle the physical and mental journey of that private grief with the hopes of normalizing the conversation surrounding women’s health. I’m also a fan of ensemble comedies, and I wanted to tackle these very serious women’s health issues in a fun and accessible way. 

This musical has culturally specific elements, including the statue of THE BARREL MAN and the portrait of THE VIRGIN MARY – our show's mascots, that will come to life to antagonize our characters.

After personally experiencing various health issues over the years, from miscarriage and Alopecia that eventually led to total hair loss, re-growth, and healing, the journey of women's physical and mental health is at the heart of this story. It’s about the choices we make and learning how to advocate for ourselves in a culture that typically honors suffering in silence. It's my love letter to women who've had to privately make difficult choices about their physical health. After experiencing my miscarriage and looking into options for a safe D&C, I was startled to learn about certain states that require you to wait for the procedure because of laws that "require a waiting period between abortion counseling and the procedure." The fact that there were certain decisions I couldn't make about my own body really hit me. The cold, hard truth is that there are laws now in place that govern my uterus. And reproductive freedoms have now changed since I began writing Proud Marys. 

From having personally experienced the pain of miscarriage and learning about and researching other women's reproductive journeys, one thing remains very clear to me - it is the woman's right to choose what she can do with her own body. 

Proud Marys is my attempt at understanding the impact of unquestioned power and privilege of the church hierarchy and how its moral authority is shifting in a changing world. This story represents moments in my own reproductive journey that have deeply challenged me. And I am grateful for it all.